Logline: A group of students is killed by a films teacher assistant.
Int. Mr. Bigue's class room
The was caution tape over a class room door. Just then a someone walks into the room. Detective Jonas says to a near by cop, "Douglass what happened here." Douglass answered, "Well, sir we still don't know what happen all we know is these sutdents were killes and they were killed by that one student tripod, another one was a boom pole, the third was by a mic cable, and the fourth and last person got a computer monitor and the T.A. is the only witness and says he seen no one do it but found them dead when he walked into the room."
The detective walks to the dead body and examine them. As he walks out he sees pencils all scatters from the students open backpack and they all seem to be facing the T.A.. The detective went over to ask the T.A. some questions.
D. "Hi my name is Detective Jonas and I will like to ask you some questions."
T.A. "Sure go ahead."
D. " Did you know these students well"
T.A. " Yes I knew these students very well, I help them a lot when they need help."
D. "Did you have a kind of bond with these students."
T.A. "Yes, I did."
Int. Mr. Bigue's class room
The was caution tape over a class room door. Just then a someone walks into the room. Detective Jonas says to a near by cop, "Douglass what happened here." Douglass answered, "Well, sir we still don't know what happen all we know is these sutdents were killes and they were killed by that one student tripod, another one was a boom pole, the third was by a mic cable, and the fourth and last person got a computer monitor and the T.A. is the only witness and says he seen no one do it but found them dead when he walked into the room."
The detective walks to the dead body and examine them. As he walks out he sees pencils all scatters from the students open backpack and they all seem to be facing the T.A.. The detective went over to ask the T.A. some questions.
D. "Hi my name is Detective Jonas and I will like to ask you some questions."
T.A. "Sure go ahead."
D. " Did you know these students well"
T.A. " Yes I knew these students very well, I help them a lot when they need help."
D. "Did you have a kind of bond with these students."
T.A. "Yes, I did."
D. What kind of bond.
T.A. A question and answer kind of bond.
D. " How often did they ask you questions."
T.A. " Once every three minutes."
D. " Did you see anyone come out of the room or enter the room."
T.A. " No it did not, if I did I would have told you.
D. " Thank for your time you may go."
As the T.A. is walking out a smile creeps onto his face. A flash back suddenly take place of this morning. The T.A. was sitting at the computer as the students he has to teach is screaming like there is not tomorrow. The students is not giving the T. A. any respect and all of them are talking. The people are also asking him questions every minute. Just then the four students that died decide that they wanted to do something to the the T.A.. The students first creates a virus and uses schoolloop to crash the T.A.'s computer.
Then they starts asking questions about things that they can easily answer. After a while the T.A. starts to write down the four kids names. He then ask if he can see all four of them for after class for extra learning so he can give them extra attention. After class the four of them did as the T.A. asked. The T.A. first asked three of the boys of the students to go get a camera he forgot in his car. Next he asked one of the students to bring in the boom mike and boom pole into the broadcast room so he can show him how to use them.
He then asked the kid the close the door and he asked to see the boom pole, after he takes the boom pole and stabs the guy start through the heart and waits till he dies then walks out and close the door. After the three students come back and he asked two of them of them to take that camera and go shoot a football practice for 2 minutes. the student he asked to say behind he asked to accompany to come into the supply room and he wanted to show him where each equipment was situated. When he goes in he points to the mic cables and asked the studen to pass it to him. WHen the student does e asked the student to get a mic. As the student is getting a mic the T.A. wrapps the cable around the students neck and chocks him to death. after he leaves the body in the supply room and walks out.
When the students came back he ask one of the students to give him the camera and go see his engilh teacher because she wanted him for something. That student walks aways towards the english class when the the T.A. Ask the other student to come into the sound room so he can show him how to use soudn pro to edit his music on the the movie and the make it sound better. When they walk it the T.A. tell him to to look closely at the screen so that he does not miss any information. Just then the T.A. grabs the student head and onstantly smah it into the computer screen.
THe students dies and the T.A. close the blind to the room, close the door as he is walking out. He then enters the supply room and gets a tripod. Just then he see through the window the last student is coming back he get in position. Just as the student is walks in and see no one around BAM cames the tripod down on his head. at that moment the T.A. looses himself in the moent and continues to smash the kids head with the tripod.
After he walks away and goes to the bathroom washes his hands of all blood. THen goes to his car changes clothes and goes back the the room and calls the police. He tells the police the fake story.
Just then it returns to after he left the room walks to his cars and goes home. The Police was never able to find out who killed the kids and the T.A. continue to kill in the same kind of manner for the rest of his time as a T.A. to the film teacher.
D. " How often did they ask you questions."
T.A. " Once every three minutes."
D. " Did you see anyone come out of the room or enter the room."
T.A. " No it did not, if I did I would have told you.
D. " Thank for your time you may go."
As the T.A. is walking out a smile creeps onto his face. A flash back suddenly take place of this morning. The T.A. was sitting at the computer as the students he has to teach is screaming like there is not tomorrow. The students is not giving the T. A. any respect and all of them are talking. The people are also asking him questions every minute. Just then the four students that died decide that they wanted to do something to the the T.A.. The students first creates a virus and uses schoolloop to crash the T.A.'s computer.
Then they starts asking questions about things that they can easily answer. After a while the T.A. starts to write down the four kids names. He then ask if he can see all four of them for after class for extra learning so he can give them extra attention. After class the four of them did as the T.A. asked. The T.A. first asked three of the boys of the students to go get a camera he forgot in his car. Next he asked one of the students to bring in the boom mike and boom pole into the broadcast room so he can show him how to use them.
He then asked the kid the close the door and he asked to see the boom pole, after he takes the boom pole and stabs the guy start through the heart and waits till he dies then walks out and close the door. After the three students come back and he asked two of them of them to take that camera and go shoot a football practice for 2 minutes. the student he asked to say behind he asked to accompany to come into the supply room and he wanted to show him where each equipment was situated. When he goes in he points to the mic cables and asked the studen to pass it to him. WHen the student does e asked the student to get a mic. As the student is getting a mic the T.A. wrapps the cable around the students neck and chocks him to death. after he leaves the body in the supply room and walks out.
When the students came back he ask one of the students to give him the camera and go see his engilh teacher because she wanted him for something. That student walks aways towards the english class when the the T.A. Ask the other student to come into the sound room so he can show him how to use soudn pro to edit his music on the the movie and the make it sound better. When they walk it the T.A. tell him to to look closely at the screen so that he does not miss any information. Just then the T.A. grabs the student head and onstantly smah it into the computer screen.
THe students dies and the T.A. close the blind to the room, close the door as he is walking out. He then enters the supply room and gets a tripod. Just then he see through the window the last student is coming back he get in position. Just as the student is walks in and see no one around BAM cames the tripod down on his head. at that moment the T.A. looses himself in the moent and continues to smash the kids head with the tripod.
After he walks away and goes to the bathroom washes his hands of all blood. THen goes to his car changes clothes and goes back the the room and calls the police. He tells the police the fake story.
Just then it returns to after he left the room walks to his cars and goes home. The Police was never able to find out who killed the kids and the T.A. continue to kill in the same kind of manner for the rest of his time as a T.A. to the film teacher.
5 comments:
Great Storyline, it really follows the Film Noir Traits. Your dialogue isn't needed as much in details and your shots could be expanded on more. The opening scene portrays a really good sense of mystery at first just like Brick. This might be hard to film because of its complexity. The involvement of a Femme fetal could be stressed more, and maybe some blocking in your Treatment. Good good
-Adam
The storyline is interesting and shows film noir characteristics like the darker side of human nature. I think the female character should be used in more detail and make her a true femme fatal instead of just secondary. Could be hard to shot because of how much detail is needed for each scene. Overall a good start though.
I definitely like your idea its well developed, you have reasonable and realistic events, and I like your use of Film Noir characteristics. You also used mainly the characteristic betrayal which is one of the most important elements of a Film Noir. (P.S. you don't need exact quotes yet for your treatment.)
I suggest you should shorten the amount of events and focus on the scenes you really want to develop/ that truly help tell your story. Your offf to a good start but you need to compress your ideas. :)
I like this treatment because it follows many film noir characteristics like betrayal. You don't need so much detail in the treatment though. Try to further develop the female character into a femme fatale by making her a more prominent character. This is a great start though.
A fantastic story, I think you had used a lot of film noir elements that we learned in class. And i think you develop the character very well. Though the weakness is that there are too much dialogue, i don't think you need that much of a dialogue personally, and if they really need one, make their dialogue condense and straight into the point, that will be better...
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