Logline: A boy makes breakfast and walks away to pack his backpack while two boys goes into the kitchen and finds the breakfast eats it and leaves.
A boy makes breakfast of eggs, bagels, a sandwich, and oatmeal. Then he leaves to go pack his backpack and get a book to read while he is eating. He also leaves his cell phone on the table.
When he leaves two boys come in. They see the breakfast lying there on the table.
One boys looks at the close up of eggs, then he looks at the close up of sandwich, then he looks at the close up of bagel, and finally he looks at the close up of oatmeal. But those boys decide that he does not want the breakfast and leaves. He also sees the cell phone with a close up but he decides to leave the cell phone alone to.
The boys who made the breakfast have just finish packing and are going to get his book, at the same time the other boys is looking as the breakfast.
The second boy looks at the close up egg, close up the bagel, close the sandwich, and close oatmeal with the same expression and then decides to eat the breakfast and before he leaves with the same expression he sees the cell phone close up.
split screen as he is eating the breakfast the boys who made it is walking towards the kitchen now with the book he is going to read. Just before the boy comes in to the kitchen with the book the boy that ate the breakfast left. The second boy also leaves the cell phone a lone .
When the boys gets back he was surprise that his breakfast was missing and he was annoyed that he will have to make another breakfast again really fast so that he can still get to the bus to school in time.
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3 comments:
Maybe you could develop the two other boys before they come to take the breakfast to develop tension and why they are coming into the kitchen in the first place.
Sorry if I missed something, but I don't see much of a point in the cell phone. Also, the use of the kuleshov effect seems a little ambiguous here.
I'm still not seeing the way your are combining two story lines here. Each story should be developing the dramatic tension in the other story somehow. In the time it takes one guy to make breakfast the other guy is remodeling his room? There needs to be two stories happening simultaneously!!
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